The End of "Icky" Selling: Build Real Relationships That Convert (Without the Cringe)
Make sales feel like a conversation with a friend instead of a root canal
If you’re like most people, just the thought of ‘selling’ can make your stomach churn.
You’ve felt that pressure to ‘close the deal’. But it never feels right. You hate that icky feeling you get when you think about “selling.
It’s that fake, transactional feeling. It's like walking into a networking event wearing a name tag that screams, "Trying too hard!" You feel fake, like billboard instead of a human being.
And the worst part? People can smell the desperation a mile away.
I used to hate sales.
Before starting my business, I landed a job at a sales and marketing company (ironic, right?). Three days a week, cold calls were my nightmare. Each dial felt like swallowing a bucket of nails. When someone answered? I'd speed-read my script, practically hyperventilating. My brain begged for that "no”, so I could hang up, crawl back into my skin and breathe again.
Unsurprisingly, this created more resistance than a teenager forced to clean their room. For them and me. I was a drained, inauthentic mess.
But that all changed — and within a month, I was breaking company sales records.
The problem wasn't me, it was the playbook.
Most sales strategies feel robotic, lacking the warmth and human touch that makes genuine connections. They're all about force-feeding results instead of nurturing connections. People become numbers, leads, targets – cogs in a machine designed to spit out profits.
No wonder it feels so icky.
But what if we shifted to a framework built on genuine human connection? What if, instead of dreading sales, we actually enjoyed it?
This is where The Human-Centered Selling Method comes in. It's a framework I developed based on the neuroscience of connection, replacing the traditional sales funnel for a more authentic and effective approach.
Let's dive in:
Your Brain Knows a Fake Smile When It Sees One
Our brains are wired for authenticity.
There’s a whole science behind it — specifically, something called mirror neurons. These neurons fire when we experience or observe genuine emotions and actions. They light up when someone’s being real with us. But the moment something feels forced or fake? They shut down.
It’s why a real smile warms you up, but a fake one creeps you out.
This is the same in sales. People can sense when you’re not being genuine. And when they feel you’re just trying to close a deal, their brain hits the “avoidance” button faster than you can say “limited-time offer.” But when you're real, curious, and empathetic? Their brain lights up like a Christmas tree. They engage. They connect.
People buy from people. So start treating prospects like people — not rows in a spreadsheet or labels in a CRM.
We need more emphasis on the R in CRM: Relationship.
Why Traditional Sales Funnels Fail (and Leave Money on the Table)
Traditional sales funnels feel transactional because they are. They treat people as commodities – sales targets to hit, numbers to move through stages.
But sales is about relationships. And traditional funnels ignore this fundamental truth in two key ways:
1. Dehumanising Labels:
"Leads," "targets," "cold calls" – these labels create a psychological distance, making it easier to treat interactions as transactions. It's like calling your date "Target Acquisition 007" – not exactly the recipe for a romantic evening.
2. The Linear Flow:
The one-size-fits-all flow of a traditional funnel assumes everyone follows the same path, ignoring the nuances of human interaction. It's like going to a buffet and only eating the mashed potatoes – you might fill your plate, but you'll miss out on the good stuff.
The Human-Centered Selling Method
Instead of a funnel, envision sales as a web – a vibrant, interconnected network of relationships. Each interaction becomes a thread, some leading to immediate sales, others to collaborations, partnerships, or referrals.
This is the heart of The Human-Centered Selling Method. It's about building relationships, not forcing transactions. And it's based on five levels of engagement:
01 Chatting: The starting line. Authentic conversations, learning about individuals, their needs, goals, fears. There is no pressure, just genuine human interaction.
02 Curious: Something sparked your interest. You want to learn more about this person and their work. That curiosity is contagious.
03 Customer/Collaborator/Champion: Where the magic happens. This isn't linear, but a dynamic dance. Customers become collaborators, collaborators become champions, champions become customers. It's about building mutually beneficial relationships.
Customers: They believe in what you offer and invest in your products or services.
Collaborators: You work together on projects, sharing ideas, and creating something bigger than yourselves.
Champions: They love what you do and actively advocate for you, spreading the word and sending referrals.
My co-founder in Scale With AI, Emma Brooks, is a perfect example.
Our journey started with a shared passion for AI. We were curious about each other's work, which blossomed into collaborating on an AI educational business. Now? We're building an AI app together!
None of this would've happened if I'd approached our interactions with a "buy my stuff or get lost" mentality.
This is empathy in action. It aligns with our brain's wiring. It's recognising emotions, building genuine connections, and reflecting sincerity in your interactions.
Speaking of Emma. This week, she wrote an article on the 5 levels of awareness. This directly aligns with my human-centred selling approach.
And if you like both of our approaches, you’ll love our collaboiration. At Scale with AI we created a Custom GPT chatbot. It helps you create short-form content based on the 5 levels of awareness.
And when you do this? Your mirror neurons won't be the only things lighting up. Relationships deepen, trust solidifies, and sales become a natural progression, not a forced march.
The best part? This approach feels good. It's aligned with who you are as a human.
Until next time.
Dave
You’ve refined the art of chatting Dave.
Some of the most pleasant and memorable chats I’ve had of the last year have been with you.
Looks like you’re selling method works.